we know god is great so he gives us numerous ways to be happy. after all we might lose what we have, little by little. and eventually only god's love is eternal. so be unnoticed and be happy.be single and be happy.be you and be happy.

seriously im not strong with all these. aku yang salah ke. tapi aku rasa aku pun ada hak untuk tetapkan hala tuju hidup aku.macamtu jugak dia. dia pilih untuk kejar cita2 in life dan aku cuma mahu bahagia. aku takkan putuskan hubungan ni cuma biar aku bagi hati ni peluang. fikir la masak2 wahai hati. kita masih boleh memilih. terus terang dengan cara dia macamni i can totally feel that hes going to leave me again after we get married. sama macam abang dia. and malangnya aku tak setabah kakak ipar dia. aku ada pilihan. aku masih boleh pilih, sekarang. Allah yg maha merancang kalau Dia takdirkan jodoh kami aku pasti dia takkan tinggalkan aku lagi mcm sekarang macam abang dia. dan kalau bukan, bukan lah makanya. kun faya kun, kan? cuma Allah, jagalah dia, jagalah hatinya. aku serahkan padamu tuhan sebaik baik perancang.Amin Ya Rabbalalamin.

dear Mrs.stalker :)

dear mrs.stalker,

yes you know who you are..i bet you are the only person who is pretty interested with any social network account i have..so how are you? been good? yeah me too since i finish my practical training it has been much and way better.lol. now heres what im really going to say.

1) this is my public account on the internet which ANYONE is free to read them. but my twitter, and my facebook are my privacy. obviously, no one can invade them WITHOUT my permission. except for my parents. get it?

2) you are just an attention whore who thinks you got the money so you can buy people's heart. you are asking ppl to obey you since you are the boss but apparently it's not obeying, it's being dumb and stupid and cannot do our own decision even when it comes to our personal life a.k.a your infinite SLAVE!!!

3) you are an old woman who covers yourself in a jubah with a DEVIL heart. you are cruel, heartless, and wicked. someday...one fine day....Allah will pay what you have done to the other ppl you have oppressed. .

4) yes i used to respect you back then, but now the only thing ive seen is you are just an arrogant, disrespected, rotten-heart, and you forget there is justice out there for everyone.

5) just give us the damn form!!!!!!!!!!!!!

homesicko

its been awhile i havent publish new entry..been busy like..very busy..like (macam bitches blondie), no lah..tade internet access tu yg sebenarnya! soooo~ nothing much, but yes..this 1 first i wanna tell is fun! it does make me feel less homesick haha.

> a visit to Malaysia national autistic center. 1 mac 2011

 whoa~it was an experience i wont forget..because, believe me or not, i did manage to dwell with my fear and panicness haha..there are so many things to tell, ouh excitednye nk bercerita! ouh! ouh! *tergedik2 macam ecah* ok, so it was actually an event organized by our faculty (the language fac) to support the kasih sayang 1 msia campaign, so me n couple of friends decided to join it, thanx to deary efy n iza for inviting us to join.. but sadly  efy wasnt there on the visit day :(

so, on the visit day which is tuesday, 5 of us: me, eca, paan, mad n iza woke up very early, i mean VERY early to catch the bus that they said will be off as early as 7 in the morning..with our black apparel (due to d reason that bright colour might tense the autistic), we waited in the faculty's lobby and wait for the EARLY bus to come and fetch us.. at EARLY about 7.30 a.m it arrived and we had our journey with an absolute calmness..*imagine urself in a bathtub having your milk bath while listening to Bach music..yeahh~ thats the calm im talkin about

then at about an hour later we reached the place, the bus parked in front of the autistic center but we had to walk to their hostel first for the morning activity. so, we walked there feeling calm..*Bach music

nahh, 5 mins later we were there..all of us stood infont of the hostel's gate since we werent allowed to get in yet..there was an absolute calm in me since its morning n for god's sake im doing charity ok~like charity~*cut it off bitch!

about 20mins standing outside their authority we were allowed to enter and do our preparation for the activities planned. so, we got in and made ourselves at home when suddenly one of the autistic came out. she's kinda chubby, a teenager, and wore their uniform. ok, i can see that the calmness is getting thinner in me. but i thought "lekla sorang je die takkan menyerang punye"..one of the instructors brought her closer to us, well frankly it didnt give me any comfort at all.the instructor askd us to greet her and shake her hand and be friendly while as for me i wouldnt go even close to her.. i was staying in my seat and ignored the situation while taking off my RED socks.*bright colour will tense them, remember?

ok, the autistic girl now had gone. she ws inside their living room with the instructor..relieve, that's all i can say. then, another suddenly, about 20 more of them appeared from nowhere.they were all grown ups like us but act weirdly, i was quickly standing and positioning myself in the best position i could find..i stood beside, infront, and back of other normal people, feeling insecure..i hold sapikot's hand nearly all the time and tried to avoid the autistic as hard as i could..some of them were running while screaming hysterically, clapping abnormally, mumbling their words while walking here and there uncontrollably.*now imagine ur in a war while the enemy put on a war music, no more Bach

but, maddy manged to get 1 autistic girl name Raihan..shes totally sweet and pretty. its just that she cant talk properly or even respond to her surroundings properly.thats all. if shes normal, she'll b one hot chick in Klang Valley ya know! she seemed pretty and calm n not aggressive so i dare to touch her, well she ws ok. but there were still others who looked terrifying to me..then, the director of the program, ajue askd every participants to take at least one autistic with us (meaning, we'll be their instructors for that day) well, im in a war field, still.and im about to be dead.

to be looked like ive taken someone, i ws staying near to maddy n paan all the time since they got the pretty non-aggressive Raihan with them, the others didnt look like Raihan at all..while iza n pika were also trying to approach one of the autistic to be their gundiks, i was wandering and following anyone i see and pretending like i am taking someone to look after. *punyelah penakut nauzubillah!


then, we had our morning work out. my eyes were everywhere cautious that some of them might attack me. iza already had her gundik name tek chun where mad n paan had Raihan, i ws searching for someone normal or atleast look a bit normal to be taken. however, no one met my requirement, means no gundik for me..yey!!

haf an hour later, all of us were asked to have our breakfast..not hungry..as for me..home..was what i ws thinking about. my other friends were accompanying their gundiks for breakfast and i decided to sneak out from the room and get fresh air where no autistic running and jumping..now, i feel peace back..*relieve


so while waiting for the others to finish their breakfast, i ws chatting and giving my self some time from the awkwardness. then fariz came out and brought his gundik with him, this one is quite big and wide but hey, he wasnt aggressive either..so i went close to them, try to talk to him *the autistic lah takkan fariz pulak*. he wasnt respond but he ws staying calm and under control..i dont feel fear the most important thing, and that was a good sign :)

next, we were assigned to do the mural activity where we got to paint n draw with those special people. i sat in a circle together with maddy,paan n raihan, eca n iza with tek chun..tek chun, this one didnt seem dangerous too.but he loves to jump, i startd to analyze them and found out that each one of them has their own types of habits or things or actions that they will do repeatedly. like Raihan, she used to talk to herself in her own language while playing with her hair like paris hilton's "that's hot", while tek chun loves to jump, walk, and tidying things up.he doesnt like mess.interesting isnt it? so i startd to communicate with them and put myself in a comfort area..no more harmful sense of feeling. *the Bach music begin to play once more.....

in the next hours,  we were moving to their nurturing center and doing other activities such as making origami papers and etc. now, everything seems to be under control and just fine. i didnt feel any fear no more and i can put my self comfortably everywhere even when i ws surrounded by those special people. they are special u know..at some point they are adorable..

at about 2 pm, we finished our activities and prepared for our journey back to UITM..well, ironically it felt quite reluctant to say goodbye to them especially Raihan and Tek Chun since we were kinda getting close and knowing them well. the most important thing is, they dont attack or bite..absolutely not.

Bfore the war started =p

its Raihan in the blue uniform, i told u shes cute ;)
l-r: paan,me,eca,mady,lil raihan,iza

this is the youngest student in the center which is 14 years old, since hes d youngest, he likes to b pampered like a baby, its kinda funny looking at how people ntertain him XD

The best part is, im totally freaking out when they (the autistic) came out at first..they look very harmful and unrealistic to be close with. yet, at the end i was feeling a total peaceful where i realized my eyes had fooled me..they are special..even now while im writing this i feel peace~~*sinking myself in the bathtub with ferrero roche music on, yeah that's the peace im talking about.......

thanx for the great xperience guys ;>

malam tadi.... *bunyi cengkerik

tajuk nak seram~ 

ade ape dengan malam tadi??

malam tadi aku tak berhenti2 membebel

bebel bebel bebel macam mak nenek

sape lagi pendengar setia radio bebel.fm aku?

mr.muscle buncit la..sape lagi yang sanggup nak dengar aku membebel sambil meroyan2 malam2 hari kan..

aku membebel bukan ape, sebab aku memang macamtu

dengan kawan2, diorang kate aku bising, kepoh, banyak cakap

tapi, dengan mr.buncit akulah orang paling annoying sekali die pernah jumpe

hal kecik pun nak merungut..ngong ngeng ngong ngeng bunyi aku merungut 

bile die tak tahan nak terberak dengar aku merungut die bagi alasan nak pergi toilet

kan tak logik tu!

aku takkan tertipu, aku membebel lagi..

nyut nyet nyut nyet bunyi aku membebel

mr.buncit letak phone..

pergi berak agaknye..

krak kruk krak kruk bunyi aku berfikir sendirian

............................................

tau2 aku bangun dah pagi *huarggghhhhhh! bunyi roomate aku mengigau

moral of the story:
lepas mr.buncit, takkan ade lelaki lain boleh layan aku..aku sayang mr.buncit..doakan jodoh kami panjang..amin..

KALAU KAT RUMAH SEKARANG NI..TUHAN JE YG TAHU MACAMMANA SERONOKNYE~~ sigh

tips for u girls out there!!

i was just formatted my laptop few weeks back, n all my docs were transferred to one new file..while checking some of the docs to be removed, i found this one long lost article (dreamt to be published in my other blog, but the account seemed to be no longer valid) so, klw rajin bacalah..tips berharga disitu haha

In a new relationship, there are several points that should be noted by the girls regarding their partner which is the guys. First, is to know whether that guy has really turned into you and how much his sincerity with you. Well, how should we notice this? In my belief, I trust that an honest generous guy will try to get with you in the nicest way he can. No such thing as stalking, asking you forcibly for a date or being too controlling on your movements and activities even you are not in a relationship yet. These kind of aggressive behaviors show that the man is perhaps a psycho or just a freak that really needs attention. I do think that if a guy is being very serious to get to know you, he would accept any of your decision earnestly rather than being unacceptable or intolerable. Sometimes, girls just don’t have that feeling towards the guys and they would prefer to be friends with them. If the guys really want you, he’ll give you some times to think so that you will be able to make a decision. And if you decide to accept his proposal, you will accept him as him in the same way he want you as you. Isn’t that sweet?

Next, for your first step in such a new relationship, learn to be considerable and tolerate with each other. In this level, both of you as a partner still need times to get to know each other well, your favorite foods, songs, places and even things that not in your lists. At first you will feel depress like why he didn’t understand you. Why he didn’t treat you as the way you wanted to or why he makes you upset. It’s actually a normal thing, guys are not given or provided with such emotional sensitivity like we girls have. That is why they often fail to recognize other people’s feelings, whether we are annoyed, unfocused, irritated, angry or even interested with them. Hence, as an emotion-sensitive creature, as a girl, we can impress them by showing our concern if they have any problems so that slowly they will learn to concern about us in another way. Try to avoid any fight with curse and swear words. It will be a lot better to discuss calmly and listen to each other. Instead of being worst, those fights will now be an alternative for both of you to know each other better and strengthen your purely compassionate love which had just began.